Reflections of a Past Caregiver

On the eve of my father’s passing in 2005, I reflect on how much joy and sadness were combined in caring for my dad after my mother suddenly passed away.  

My 82 year old father had Parkinson’s disease, a form of dementia.  

I was 30 years younger than my mother, who was 82 at the time of her death. I can only imagine how difficult the demands and struggles of caring for him must have been on her, his lifelong partner of 58 years. 

Statistics say that 70% of those affected by Alzheimer’s disease are being cared for at home by their loved ones, with the sole burden of care resting on their shoulders. I can only imagine how exhausted elderly caregivers, like my mother, who are often frail or suffering from other ailments and illnesses, must feel while caring for their loved ones or their lifelong partners. As with many couples who have been married for many years, Dad’s health declined rapidly after her death.

I did not know what caring for a person with dementia was like until I was thrust into it after Mother’s passing. It was a struggle to combine working full time, caring for my own 3 children and caring for my father. I often found myself wondering if I was doing enough and was torn between duties at home and duties caring for him at his home. At the same time, it was a joy to know that I was caring for him, the way he had always cared for me. It was a joy to know that I was doing the best I could, even though I always felt like I could or should do more.

It saddens me that I did not know a place like Alzheimer’s Services of the Capital Area or Charlie’s Place, our adult respite center, existed. What a relief it would have been to be able to bring my dad to Charlie’s Place while I was at work, or to have joined a support group to vent my frustrations and listen to others going through the journey, or to use the library to obtain information on how to better care for Dad, or just have the pleasure of walking through the doors to hear, “Your doing a great job.”  

I wouldn’t have been just a good caregiver; I would have been a “better” caregiver.   

It is my hope that all of you, who are caregivers of loved ones at home, seek knowledge, respite relief, and support by calling or visiting Alzheimer’s Services of the Capital Area at 334-7494 or by emailing info@alzbr.org. Please join us for Cause to Remember sessions. You can find dates listed on our website www.brhope.com.

Happy Easter!

Debbie Kidder Little – Development Director