The Holiday Season

Thanksgiving begins the holiday season and families often gather to celebrate. For many it is when they first notice signs of memory loss or strange behaviors in mom or dad or maybe an aunt or other relative. I know it is when my siblings notice it most in my mom. There are several factors that contribute to it that we as caregivers need to be aware of to reduce the stress. These are some of the suggestions I gave my siblings as they prepared for Thanksgiving and are preparing for Christmas. Give yourself permission to keep things simple and not overdo things. Instead of cooking everything yourself perhaps you can purchase a part of the meal you traditionally made yourself such as pies or making gravy. Accept offers for help if someone wants to bring something to help out.

For my mom, having the whole family was always her favorite part of the celebration. With 8 children, spouses, grandchildren and now great-grandchildren it was a crowd. She always said, “The more the merrier.” and “Everyone is welcome at my table. “ My brother hosted Thanksgiving at his house which removed the burden off the traditional meal at my mom’s. As much as she loved it, the “crowd” is now confusing to her. When I phoned to wish them all a Happy Thanksgiving, mom didn’t know that the three little ones were not her grandchildren, but were nieces and nephews from my sister-in-laws side of the family. I suggested to my sister to sit my mom in a comfortable chair after the meal and have family visit with her one at a time and make sure they mentioned their names as they joined the conversation. It would also be helpful to her if the family used the names instead of pronouns when they were speaking of someone.

My siblings were surprised at the changes in mom’s memory. They hadn’t realized how much it had been affected until they saw her in the crowd. They hadn’t realized the crowd would cause stress and a little agitation in her. They didn’t realize how slowly she ate now. They didn’t realize she would tire so quickly and be ready to go home so soon. They didn’t realize she wouldn’t know someone 10 minutes after she met them and might need to be introduced again. All of these little things can be handled easily if you prepare for them. It reduces the stress and allows everyone to enjoy the holiday. I had recently converted old family slides to digital format and placed them on a digital photo frame so mom could enjoy them again. I suggested my sister bring the frame so mom could enjoy the pictures and share stories that she does remember that are included in the photos. The grandchildren would love to hear them and she would love telling them. It was a great addition to the day and created more wonderful memories.