Living the Moment with Alzheimer’s Disease

Watching my first-born son hold his first-born son last October remains a poignant mental photograph that I will long carry with me. Hearing the words my son spoke that night was even more everlasting.

As he held my very first grandchild, only a few hours old, he looked at me and said, “Mom, just think, he is totally dependant on us…..24/7!”

Through my tears of joy I could only muster a smile and a nod of my head. Totally dependent, I thought. My son and his wife now joined the ranks of very important caregivers.

24/7. That’s a huge responsibility! Like having a small infant or child, caregivers of Alzheimer’s patients know all too well the reality of the unending days that oftentimes offer no relief, because their loved one is totally dependant on them.

But, perhaps, just as I savored that moment watching my son with his newborn, very important caregivers can find some joy in living the moment, too.

In his book, The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle writes, “When you are present, you can allow the mind to be as it is without getting entangled in it.” All through the book Tolle stresses to his readers the importance of living the now…the present moment. “Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry — all forms of fear — are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness, bitterness, and all forms of non-forgiveness are caused by too much past, and not enough presence.”

Tolle makes a lot of sense. All we really have is the moment. When it's gone we can never retrieve it. That’s why caregiving can be somewhat easier if the caregiver just lives in the present moment with their loved one. Trying to get their loved one to remember things is a senseless struggle, which can bring about much anxiety and often aggression in an individual with Alzheimer’s. Leave the past in the past. Any guilt and/or regrets on what the caregiver and/or Alzheimer’s patient could’ve/would’ve done only cloud the present moment. And, anxiety about things to come only evokes worry and a whole lot of unnecessary stress.

So, what's important in your life and the life of your loved one? Did your loved one enjoy a nice ride in the car on one of these beautiful Spring days? Did you laugh together at mealtime, or share in the joy of visiting other family members and/or friends? Are you spending your time and energy on those very special moments? What does it matter that your loved one will not remember what you did in a few hours or the next day? Just for that moment, you were in that special place with him/her, and both of you were totally free of any entanglement. And, tomorrow is another day. We cannot forecast the turn of another day, so try to put away all anxious thoughts and worries. The real joy is in the present moment.

Instead of thinking of that seemingly hopeless image of 24/7 and the total dependence your loved one has on you, try being in the now. Living one day-one moment- at a time, doing the things you and your loved one enjoy, things that bring meaning and fulfillment to your lives renders a fresh start at every moment.

-Dana Territo

The Buzz Around Town

A kick-off training session and lunch was held on February 25, for the 2010 Memories in the Making Table Hosts. The theme for the day was BEE here as Table Host Spring into Action! Bumble bees, spring flowers and a spring luncheon with Dirt Cake and gummy worms completed the theme for the day. Table Hosts shared the B z-z-z-z with each other about why they are involved with Alzheimer’s Services. The Memories in the Making Luncheon is the number one awareness and fundraising event for Alzheimer’s Services and will be held on May 13^th at the Crowne Plaza Hotel. If anyone is interested in how they can get involved with the Memories Luncheon, please call Debbie at 334-7494

Meet the Intern

As a new face at Alzheimer's Services, I am learning the ins and outs of the organization as I shadow the footsteps of Program Coordinator, Julie Brewer. My basic understanding of Alzheimer's disease has expanded through Dementia Care training and programs such as "A Cause to Remember" and "Sharing the Journey." Though the majority of my work has been assisting with Education Conference preparations, I have learned through Caregiver Network Meetings and the Helpline that working here requires one part compassion and one part resourcefulness - something the staff have and offer quite well. I am learning to keep my heart open, time flexible, and planner handy!

Kathleen Keen
Program Intern
Masters in Health Candidate
Southeastern Louisiana University

Charlie's Place Respite Center Activity

Clients at Charlie's Place respite center enjoy an activity called TimeSlips. This is one of many activities the clients enjoy everyday. The clients look at the photo and give there version of what the photo is about. Below are the stories that they told about the photo o the left.

There is a young boy playing an instrument. They call him Shorty because his is short. He is healthy because his is fat. Shorty is about 7 or 9 years old. He is from Plaquemine. His eyes are closed because his is blowing so hard. He is thinking about trying to play. His playing a tuba. I know his isn't singing my song. His playing music. He got his dad's instrument and is trying to play it. Shorty is working hard to do it. He is playing "Allons de Lafayette." He is trying to get enough air out of his stomach to blow because his trying to play loud. Shorty is standing in a studio next to a brick building. It is not dark outside, the wind is blowing and the sun is shining outside. He is playing in the studio alone. He didn't sneak in, he is supposed to be there. He was practicing and eating peanut butter before he started playing in the studio. There is music on the floor, a bunch of little sheets of music. Shorty blew his instrument and air blew stuff on the floor. He was blowing hard and it looks like he is trying to dance. I bet he is a good little dancer and singer, "but I can tell you one thing, he is having fun." He is dirty because he ran out into the mud and because he is a boy. His eyes are closed because mom is coming to pick him up. When he is done playing, he is going to sit down and rest. But for now, "all I can say, is he is having a good time."

The Rhythm the Beat of another Day

A poem by: Jacqueline Gales

As the Sun gently serenade over the eastern sky and soft droplets of dew cover blades of grass near the lake, and as the brush of the morning breeze passes by the daylilies, it begins the rhythm the beat of another day.

As blackbirds with their beautiful iridescent feathers launch their attempt to locate their cuisine, it begins the rhythm the beat of another day.

As doves coo they wobble back and forth on a stony path in search of a nibble or morsel left by the blackbirds, it begins the rhythm the beat of another day.

As humming birds flutter around the golden honeysuckles awaiting the enjoyment of its delicious nectar, it begins the rhythm the beat of another day.

As squirrels hustle up and down the Pecan tree burrowing on the ground in hopes of a hidden stash, it begins the rhythm the beat of another day.

As I watch in awe as the morning unfolds before me in its breathtaking splendor.

As I am unable to express the marvelous beauty of what I see, I reach for words that will describe this captivating rhythm. Yet the harder I try the more difficult and complicated the search becomes.

As to what makes the search so demanding? It's this dilemma they call Alzheimer's. Nevertheless all of what I see unfolds the beauty, which begins the rhythm the beat of another day.

The Voice of a Caregiver

I read a story recently about an elderly man who paced the floor of a doctor's office early one morning waiting for an appointment. A nurse finally observed his anxiousness and asked him if something was wrong. He told her that if he didn't get to see the doctor soon, he would be late to have breakfast with his wife. The nurse assured him it would only be a few minutes more, yet the worried man shook his head and told her he would have to go, that he ate breakfast with his wife every morning at the nursing home. " My wife has Alzheimer's," he told the nurse. The nurse, rather taken aback, then asked him, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He looked at the nurse, smiling and patting her on the back. "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is."

Three months ago I lost a dear friend to Alzheimer's. She was 102 years old and I had been visiting her in the nursing home for over 22 years. When I happened on the aforementioned story, it made me think of her, because in those many years, she never knew who I was. She didn't speak my name. She never asked about my family. In the later years, she never spoke. However, my time with her grew more precious each visit, for I knew who SHE was. She was vibrant and full of life in her heyday. She loved people and pets and most of all, music that made her kick up her heels. Her eyes danced when we would sing old songs together, and holding her hand cemented a mutual connection of our unique bond. Our journey each day brought me closer to knowing who she was than caring that she ever knew me. It was a grace for me to know and love the person that was her.
Alzheimer's robs the brain of the ability to recognize others, but the elderly man in the story recognized and honored the person in his wife. I endeavored each day to honor my special friend at the nursing home, even more so now after her death.

What a gift it would be to all those suffering from Alzheimer's that their caregivers find a way, through the struggles and heartache of this arduous journey, to stop just for a few minutes a day and recognize the person behind the disease, to say to themselves, "She doesn't recognize me, but I still know who she is." After all, isn't that the wish of every human being. . .to be acknowledged for who we are?

Alzheimer's disease doesn't change that. It just changes the way others look at it.

Dana Territo, Director of Services

How can a Caregiver reduce stress in their lives?

Finding ways to reduce caregivers stress will help lessen the long-term emotional and physical toll. Tips for managing stress include:

1. Keep a positive attitude. Believe in yourself.
2. Accept that there are events you cannot control.
3. Be assertive instead of aggressive. "Assert" your feelings, opinions, or beliefs instead of becoming angry, combative, or passive.
4. Learn to relax.
5. Exercise regularly. Your body can fight stress better when it is fit.
6. Stop smoking.
7. Limit yourself to moderate alcohol and caffeine intake.
8. Set realistic and expectations.
9. Get enough rest and sleep. Your body needs time to recover from stressful events.
10. Don't relay on alcohol and drugs to reduce stress.
11. Learn to use stress management techniques and coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing or guided imagery.

Our staff at Alzheimer's Services are here to help, please feel free to call us at 225-334-7494.